For people who are not pet owners or dog lovers, you may think this whole grieving over a dog is stupid, but Toto was a part of our family. He was so loved and these past few weeks have been very sad and lonely in our house. I know he loved being here. He was never neglected and was always the center of attention along with my other dog, Missy. Toto was always there to listen or to console you whenever you were sad or crying, it’s like he knew exactly how you felt. Toto loved chasing his toys, eating his treats, and so much more. He couldn’t go out to take walks though, since he would pull so hard on his leash and choke himself. I know this may be a little boring to many of you but I just needed to get my words out. However I know other pet owners will understand.
At 12 years of life, Toto’s health wasn’t as good as it had always been. He would often get this little ball on his right eye, and he had to go under surgery because of it once. However, being that old, you could still see the happy and energetic dog he had been his whole life, and he was still as loving to anyone who reached to pet him.
So I remember how I once got to stay home from school, since our parents had to go and get our grades to school. Toto wanted to say hi to me when I woke up, but he wouldn’t jump on my bed all excited and ecstatic as he usually was. My sister thought something might be wrong with him, since he wouldn’t lean one of his hind paws on the ground. She found a bump near his hind leg, so she let my mom now so she could take Toto to the vet.
After going to the vet, we found out Toto had to go under surgery once again, but we didn’t thought much of it. We thought he would be fine, like always. I remember how my mom often said how he was already an old dog, and that stuff like this would start to happen to him.
So Toto had surgery on Friday, and I hung out with my friends that day. I remember I came home after having a major fight with my brother, so I didn’t bother saying hi to anyone. After I had calmed down, I went downstairs and can only remember how shocked I was when I saw Toto’s wound. The stitching was so big, it looked like a zipper. I wanted to cry, since I’ve never seen him in that state before, but I held the tears back and remembered I had to be strong for my family, for him.
That was a very hectic weekend. My mom, my sister and I barely got any sleep at all, since we were taking care of him and had to clean his stitching, which looked terrible by the way. I can only figure how much pain he really felt. Toto was supposed to be getting better that weekend, but he was only getting worse. My mom took him that Sunday night to a dog’s hospital, and he was injected with something that was supposed to relief his pain and make him feel much better. I don’t know how or why it happened, but when Toto was either enjoying his meal or just drinking some water (which he loved to do) he started convulsing. This only made me want to cry even more. He went from being this happy, healthy dog, to an incredibly sick dog whose health was deteriorating by the second. Toto had suffered a lot, and after this bump was removed and sent to the laboratory, we found out he had cancer. If he made it through this surgery and if this big wound healed, more surgeries came along for him and a lot of visits to the vet. I remember hearing how my mom told my sister that Toto had lived a happy life, and that amount of suffering was just not fair to him. My heart broke, and I knew what was coming. We decided to put him to sleep and it was the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through. Especially since I had to get out of the car knowing that it will be the last time I will ever see him, or pet him, or kiss him in that tiny head of his. That day, I could still hear his heavy breathing, or his paws moving through the floor, of him scratching your bedroom door like he was telling you “hey, I want to go in, let me take a nap with you”.
I don’t want to remember him like I last saw him though, I would always like to remember him as Toto, the dog who had fierce love for his family, the one who no matter what he was always on your side, the one who was there during the hard times with his wet nose tucked under your arm and one of his snorts just like he was saying “I’m here for you, I’ll always be here for you”. A stout little guy, with a noble look and a steady, strong bark. That was my friend, that was my dog and I am going to miss him terribly.
Toto, I love you, miss you and will never forget you.
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